Ladies in waiting: Who do we wait with?
The pregnancy’s been confirmed at the doctor’s office. No big surprise to you as you took three pregnancy tests this morning before the appointment – just to be sure! It was a bit startling, though, when the lab tech told you, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” You weren’t quite sure that she was talking to you.
Now, you have to wait two more weeks for an ultrasound. So the question is: Who do you want to wait with? Who do you want to tell about the pregnancy?
The Story of Cinda
Cinda woke up this morning this morning excited for her first OB appointment. She was on cloud 9 when the pregnancy was confirmed. This is actually happening, she thought, delighted. Should she tell someone? She called her partner, Daria, to let her know. They were excited and giggly and a tad bit anxious all at the same time. Then she thought, should she tell anyone else?
Telling others seemed scary to Cinda. She told herself that it was still so early in the pregnancy and – she was scared to even think it – anything could happen. The fear she felt shadowed her excitement. Maybe there would be a miscarriage – or maybe she had some kind of anatomical issue and couldn’t carry a baby. Both of her cousins had easy pregnancies and healthy babies. Did they get all the good vibes and there’s none left over for her? And what about the friend with pre-eclampsia and a rush to the hospital at 32 weeks? Could that happen to her?
Should she just wait with Daria and not tell anyone else? Maybe she would feel mor comfortable telling others after the first ultrasound—after all, then she can see the heartbeat and the risk of miscarriage is less. Or maybe wait until 12 weeks when the genetic testing is back. Yes, definitely at 12 weeks – that feels safe. But maybe she should wait until the anatomy scan at 20 weeks. But at 20 weeks, won’t people notice without her telling anyone?
If she told her friends now and something bad happened, then would she be disappointing them? She told herself that she didn’t want to make others unhappy. Could she hold her own sorrow as well as their sadness? Would it all just be too much? Or could sharing our sadness ever be a good thing?
Cinda started thinking about the “big feelings” she had when she was a teenager. She remembered when she was 15 and broke up with her girlfriend and was devastated. Her mom minimized her feelings telling her not to be “so dramatic.” Cinda often ran to her room, pulling the covers over her head, trying to hide any “big feelings” she had. She couldn’t imagine sharing them with anyone else. It’s no wonder, thought Cinda, that as an adult, she still hides her “big feelings” from others.
