Ladies in Waiting: When should you tell?
So here you are. You’re finally pregnant. What a gift!
Did you ever think that telling people about your pregnancy could be a gift to them?
I’m often asked his question: When should you share the news that you’re pregnant with others? Is it after the beta HCG is positive? Is it after the first ultrasound? Is it after the first trimester? Is it after the anatomy scan?
At some point, people will know that you're pregnant because you will look pregnant! It's hard to hide a pregnancy that is 25 or 30 weeks along. But earlier in pregnancy you might wonder when the best time is to share the news with people. Maybe you've been thinking about this for a while. You'll tell your parents first or maybe your siblings or maybe your best friends. But the question is: When during the pregnancy should you tell them?
Pregnancy is a gift to you, and you can share that gift when you tell people that you are pregnant. People can congratulate you and hug you and wish you well. Are there people you know who will not wish you well when they learn that you are pregnant? Those are the people that you don't tell.
The Story of Eleanor
Eleanor is a 31 year old women who had been trying to get pregnant for a year. She had two unsuccessful IVF procedures. Her third IVF procedure ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. But her fourth IVF was successful, and she is now 10 weeks pregnant.
With her history of a previous miscarriage, Eleanor is wary of telling her family and friends about this pregnancy. She wants to wait. At first, she thinks about waiting until the first trimester has passed before telling anyone. But now she's thinking that she might wait until the anatomy scan at 20 weeks.
During our therapy sessions, Eleanor recognizes that she's afraid of telling people about the pregnancy because she's afraid of disappointing them if a loss should occur. It's easier for her, she thinks, if she hides this pregnancy for a while. If she miscarries this pregnancy, she will be devastated. And she is unsure if she could endure the sad emotions of others.
Therapy allowed Eleanor to understand this pregnancy as a gift to her. Sharing the news of this pregnancy could be a gift to others. Eleanor knows many family members and many friends who would be delighted to know that she is pregnant. They would hug her and congratulate her and hope the best for her. Eleanor decided to tell her best friend, Freida, about the pregnancy, even though Eleanor has not completed her first trimester. Freida was delighted that Eleanor had shared this gift with her, and she could not have been more supportive. And if Eleanor does miscarry this pregnancy, Freida will be there to continue to support her.
