Ladies in Waiting: Who should you tell?

Are you ready to share the news about the pregnancy? Great! And the next question is: Who should you tell? As we have said, telling people about your pregnancy can be a gift to them.  

I’m often asked this question: Who should I share the news about my pregnancy with? Maybe you’ve been thinking about this for a while.  

Some women make the decision this way: They decide who will share in the joy with you. They think about family and friends who have supported them unconditionally in the past. Perhaps you have a family member who has helped you through hard times. Perhaps you have a friend who always seems to be there for you. These are the people who will best share the joy with you. 

Wise women avoid telling people who will just share the information with others for their own benefit. There is difference between people who will share the joy with you and people who will just share the information with others. 

The Story of Fatima

Fatima is a 29 year old women who just found out she is pregnant. She wasn’t trying to get pregnant, exactly, but she is happy about the child that she will have in eight months. This seems to be a good time in her life to begin family building. 

Fatima wonders who she will share the news about the pregnancy with. She wants to share the joy but wonders if everyone will feel happiness for her. After all, she wasn’t expecting to get pregnant now that she is in grad school. What will her family and friends think? Will they be supportive? 

She decides to take an inventory of family and friends and use data to help her decide who to share the pregnancy news with. Her mother has always been supportive of her plans in life, even when they don’t always go perfectly. And her best friend, Grace, has been there through all of Fatima’s accomplishments. She has always known that Fatima wanted children and will be thrilled to learn the news. These are the people that she wants to share her good news with now. These are the people who will understand that this news is a gift to them. 

During our therapy sessions, Fatima wonders if she should tell her father. She decides that this is not the time. Her father has often been critical of Fatima’s decisions. When Fatima decided to not go to law school, but to pursue a doctorate in psychology instead, her father was disappointed. And when Fatima was married four years ago, her father posted the news on social media in a way that made Fatima think it was more for him and his co-workers than his happiness about her marriage. 

During our therapy sessions, Fatima decided that she could tell people over time. After all, she had eight more months of pregnancy! But right now, she decided to tell only the people that she knew would love and care for her and share in her joy.